Monday, April 18, 2011

their ineptitude never ends... but the day does.

So I have neglected this blog! What a surprise. I could tell you I've been soooo busy and all that (which I have), but the truth is, sometimes after a long day, the last thing a gal wants to do is sift through puzzling emails from strange men. I know you guys know what I mean. Anyway, I'm going to try to post more often, so here's an older email that I found to be great evidence of the fact that the Universe is playing a really cruel joke on me. Maybe I should jut accept cat lady status now.

 Subject: Hello I am James.


To show you that I am goal oriented and determined I will explain my goals. I have given this a lot of thought. I can see myself getting married in a year or two. I can do these things on my own, I just need someone to join me. I live in New City NY and even though I am Jewish, I go to college in Sparkill NY, both in Rockland County, about 10-20 miles north of New York City. Dorm life was not for me so I live at home by choice. However, when we needed someplace to live, if I was still in college, or before we were ready to buy a house, I would want to live in Piermont NY (about 10 miles north of the city and a bus to the city at the door). I would want to live there for three reasons. One it is a short walk to my college, second my family owns the building so we would not have any rent to pay, and third, it is a great place to live. I can see myself getting married in a year or two but I am in no rush to do so. By the time we had our first kid I would want to be in a house of our own. Even though I am in college I am supported by very well to do parents. Within the next tens years I want to be married with a few kids in a house of our own.

I hope to hear from you.


- - - -
 Subject: Hello I am not interested.


James. Where do I even begin?

Let’s start on a positive note: It’s fantastic that you’re goal-oriented and determined. Unfortunately, this isn’t a high school essay, so framing it like one by telling me what you are going to do is not only odd, but indicative of some larger social issue.

I guess it speaks to your goal-oriented nature that you’ve already planned where “we’re” going to live, but James: did it ever occur to you that maybe I have a thought or two on where we should live? Did you just build up this whole illusion in your head that involved me being all about Piermont, NY? Or, worse: Did you think my input didn’t matter?

If you’re disregarding my feelings like this and we haven’t even met… or you know, exchanged an email... I’m slightly confused as to why you have brainstormed how we’d approach becoming parents together. 

In your words, I am in no rush to do so. 

The fact is: we're not going to work out James. Which is a shame, because the fact that you’re supported by your well-to-do parents means we could probably spring for that Four Seasons wedding (or, you know, the Piedmont, NY, equivalent: the Holiday Inn?) - but alas, James, love will tear us apart. And by love I mean your reluctance to include me in any of our future plans and your strange affection for a place I have not heard of.

You know, since you state that you're goal-oriented, I would recommend setting the goal to meet a girl. I mean in this crazy world, actually making plans with another person just might be the thing to do if you want those plans to come to fruition. Who the hell knows. Either way, I hope you find someone and live happily ever after in Piermont, NY.