The Date: In Which I Learn About A Thing Called "Second Life"

After a month or so on Match, I thought it was about time to go on a date, and a guy who name-dropped one of my favorite books seemed as good a candidate as any. We made plans to meet up for coffee, I meticulously brainstormed my outfit, and the much anticipated day finally came.

I told him what I’d be wearing so we wouldn’t be awkwardly strolling about the coffee shop trying to find each other. But this served a second purpose as well: it convinced me that he was my intended date.

He did NOT look as expected. My date weighed substantially more than anticipated and I would guess the photos posted were taken 6 – 8 years ago. Which means he was probably lying about his age too.

Alas, I’m no superficialist, so I got over the initial surprise rather quickly and prepared to bring my first date a-game.

But a successful first date was not in the cards.

To summarize, our conversation went something like this:

I: So what do you do?

He: I’m a musician.

I: Oh wow, that’s so cool! Have any upcoming gigs I could come to?

He: Well, I’m a musician in Second Life. The game.

I: I’m sorry?

He then explained this virtual reality game in alarming detail. But this was only the first five minutes of our date. There was much more fun to be had.

I: So, I haven’t been in a relationship for a while. How about you?

He: Oh I broke up with my girlfriend last week. Well… my girlfriend in the game.

Our whole conversation was about this game, and he seemed continually perturbed when I’d interpret his comments as being statements about his actual life. His tone was like, “NO, I’m ONLY talking about my SECOND LIFE, duh, I thought we’d covered that.”

Needless to say, the date was not a success, ladies and gentleman. I did, however, learn a valuable lesson: converse with someone by email a little before you agree to meet them. Because I’m pretty sure I’d have known this guy was a complete whack job if I’d only asked him his favorite activity.

Obsessive second life playing is not compatible with my life, nor is difficulty differentiating between a game and reality. Next please.