Thursday, January 6, 2011

new message from bobby: what a let-down.

Subject: love black too.


How are you? I'm Bobby!! You have a good Christmas?

- - - -

Subject: black is not enough.


I am doing well thanks, Bobby. I did have a great Christmas, I would ask you how yours was but I don’t want to give you the idea that our mutual love of the color black is enough :( I was hoping it would mean we were soul mates, but it appears the fates had other plans. Because the truth is, I don’t think we’re going to work out.

I noticed you’re a big YANKEE FAN and DALLAS COWBOYS. When I read that, I started to get concerned. Bobby, I don’t like either of those teams. However, because I am desperate and all - I read on.

Sadly, I knew our hypothetical romance was not meant to be when you described your work by saying “work with autism kids.” Sadly I am not sure if you work with these children or fall into the spectrum of autism disorders personally.

Bobby, adults don’t typically capitalize random words, fail to conjugate verbs properly, or end sentences with 13 exclamation points (yes, I was so vehemently affected by the excess punctuation that I counted). I’m concerned that your difficulties with communication could be symptoms of something more serious.

Since you say that you want to win the lotto so badly, Bobby, I think you should try picking up potential mates somewhere more tailored to your life goals - perhaps the lotto ticket counter. If she’s wearing black, you’ll know she’s your girl, because you’ll have more than one thing in common (which we clearly do not). Good luck!


  1. For what it's worth, you, Miss, win at responding to these things. You win a lot.

  2. Found you via 20SB.

    I am roughly in the same boat. Though, I am ashamed to admit, I am twenty-seven. TWENTY-SEVEN! SINGLE. Never married. No mini-me's running around. And no guy, even remotely close to being in the picture. My most recent ex-boyfriend is thirty-five years older than me (that's correct. I did not say he is thirty-five years OLD. He was thirty-five the year I was born though. Sick, right?!), because only incredibly old men find me even remotely attractive. He would act as if it was some bragging right. "Heh, got myself a twenty-six year old girlfriend..." Yes. And I'm also fat and unattractive. It's not like you're dating a barbie doll, old man!

    It would have been one thing if he had money. Or was gorgeous. Or could bring me to ridiculous orgasms with spectacular sex. But, alas, he was just "a nice older gentleman." What a waste of the last year and a half of my life.

    Sadly, he was one of the two (out of four) guys I have dated who have even been worth a damn. My love life is extremely lacking.

    My best friend (who common acquaintances swear is my soulmate!) is perfect, makes me laugh, is fairly attractive. Except that he prefers to sleep with men. That didn't stop my ex from thinking that I was sleeping with said gay BFF.

    So, the whole point of this commentary (now that I have rambled on incessantly) is to say that I feel ya! Being single is annoying, and finding someone is incredibly hard. I personally am a member of both and (both of which are FREE!!! YESSS!). Have had very little luck with either site, aside from a few sporadic dates here and there.

    I'm twenty-seven... shouldn't I be married with a baby (or two!) by now?!

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  4. Lady C - Thanks! I just feel like someone needs to bring some honesty into the dating game, you know?

    Sidny - Thanks so much! :) Though I am sorry you have not yet found the mythical Man of Your Dreams(seriously - I am beginning to think they are like unicorns and ONLY exist in my dreams!), it is awesome to know I am not alone in being a 'failure at life' - ha ha - or falling in love with the gay bff! I am still waiting for the day mine decides he is no longer interested in men..

  5. Love this post! Capitalization without a clear purpose perplexes me. What are you trying to convey here, exactly? ENTHUSIASM?

    But more importantly, thirteen exclamation points is a true abuse of punctuation and is definitely grounds for dismissal.